Ahhhh, The Christmas Season.

I am so excited for Christmas this year it is unreal. I don't think I have held this childlike magic of Christmas in my heart for a long time.

I am all about the magic this year.

Trimming trees, baking cookies, decorating windows, lights....I just want it to show my heart. My boys are laughing, full of excitement and wonder. Just as it should be.

I can't wait to simmer my apple cider, and walk outside in the freshly fallen snow. To make snow angels, and build a snowman.

I want to sing "O Holy night", and light candles to remember why I celebrate this wonderful season.

Ahh yes, it is Christmas....and I am content.

Julie

Honesty is a difficult thing sometimes.

I think sometimes honesty is not a trait as much as it is a choice.
A choice to believe that such a thing exists really.

I think I am honest, with myself, with others, but then sometimes I truly wonder if that is the case?
Or am I merely as honest as I can be for *that moment*

My honesty changes....My truth conflicts itself and I wind up running in circles.

Like one moment I am honest about life, and love and all things that seem important to me.
And the very next I find myself frustrated and angry, confused and sad.

What changed really? Certainly not my circumstances, only my ability to handle the truth.

The truth today is that I am angry.

I am hurt and angry and pissed off. Yesterday I felt used and neglected, inimportant and insignificant.

Today the honest truth is that I need to let go. I need to begin the healing that I would not let myself.
Today I choose to allow the hurt and anger....to look deep down at the truth of it all.
Today is time to begin again.

This has been a hard time for me this past couple of weeks. I have spent so much time thinking, and dreaming, and wondering.
I have assessed, reassesed, bargained, pleaded, cried, laughed, fought and struggled.

The results have not always been easy to face.

I still stand though....in honesty, in truth and knowing that I have made may way through it all.

I realize this is probaly very confusing and messed up. Makes sense to me though and I suppose that is what really matters.