I think that the word Hopeful, is an amazingly powerful word. Especially when it seems to be absent from your vocabulary for any amount of time.
Its amazing to me how much feeling better can effect your life. I have been generally unhealthy for so long that it makes even the smallest change noticeable right away.
I feel like someone turned on a light in a dark part of me. I can't really describe it in a way that would make sense to someone who has never been there, but for the first time in a very long time, I WANT better for myself. I used to write a lot, I sort of stopped for a long time, but this is something I wrote recently. Thought I would share.
Picture sitting in a train, watching as the world passes all around you. You interact with the people on the train, and admire all the beauty of the world outside. You eat the meals provided for you daily, and have the stretch of the train to walk up and down, but you never actually go outside. You exist only in the safety of this train, your not really sure why, but its always been that way.
You watch as people continually board the train, some stay for awhile, some only ride for a day or two, and you admire them because they can leave, you daydream about what it would be like to be outside, to have no fear, but at the end of the day, you are just as glad to curl up on the chair of the train with a good book.
And then, one day, you decide to just step off for a moment. Just to get a breath of fresh air, and you realize maybe its not that scary, but you return to the train because you get all nervous and afraid. And then every few days you venture out again, and its always scary, but you have had a taste of it, and all of a sudden you realize the colors of the fall leaves are so much brighter when you can touch them, and that you are feeling angrier and angrier at how much time you have wasted riding the train.
So, you continue riding, trying to make your stops longer and longer in between while you gather the courage and strength to leave the train for good.
Because everyone deserves to feel the rain on their face, the warmth of the sun, and the grace to dance to their own music.