Honesty is a difficult thing sometimes.

I think sometimes honesty is not a trait as much as it is a choice.
A choice to believe that such a thing exists really.

I think I am honest, with myself, with others, but then sometimes I truly wonder if that is the case?
Or am I merely as honest as I can be for *that moment*

My honesty changes....My truth conflicts itself and I wind up running in circles.

Like one moment I am honest about life, and love and all things that seem important to me.
And the very next I find myself frustrated and angry, confused and sad.

What changed really? Certainly not my circumstances, only my ability to handle the truth.

The truth today is that I am angry.

I am hurt and angry and pissed off. Yesterday I felt used and neglected, inimportant and insignificant.

Today the honest truth is that I need to let go. I need to begin the healing that I would not let myself.
Today I choose to allow the hurt and anger....to look deep down at the truth of it all.
Today is time to begin again.

This has been a hard time for me this past couple of weeks. I have spent so much time thinking, and dreaming, and wondering.
I have assessed, reassesed, bargained, pleaded, cried, laughed, fought and struggled.

The results have not always been easy to face.

I still stand though....in honesty, in truth and knowing that I have made may way through it all.

I realize this is probaly very confusing and messed up. Makes sense to me though and I suppose that is what really matters.