I know I have not posted....

but I have needed some time to think, and reflect and all that typical moody, brooding, creative crap I do.

I eluded to the fact that I have had some changes going on, and that is indeed the truth. I do however need to be careful how I verbalize them for probably obvious reasons (wink)

Truth is I am sitting at the computer right now, its after eleven in the morning, and while I would be typically running around getting stuff ready at work, I am sitting here typing to you and sipping my coffee. Oh, and breathing, I am doing that too.

Those of you who visit here, most of you know me pretty well, or at least think you do, :) and so it should probably not come as a surprise that I was in need of a break. The past two years of my life have held some of the most intense moments. I have gone through things I never would have imagined I could, or would, but I did, and truthfully, the scars are still there, blaring and red, and raw, and a constant reminder of what I face everyday.

I want you to know that I think the scars are so important. They remind me everyday of where I have been, what I have come through, and what my family is capable of overcoming. They also console me sometimes when the memories of my past find their way into my head and heart.

I am a sensitive sort, have always been. I cry at long distance commercials, and at movie previews. I can sob over a song I hear in the supermarket, or the smell of a hairspray I wore when I was 15. I suppose it never really occured to me that this was not very healthy, it seemed normal enough to me. I had always been that way, so why should it be any different now?

I apologize for the sporatic posting, I am aware that I am all over the place, however beggars cannot be choosers and you are lucky I am updating at all.

The snow is really coming down now. Its swirling around the pine trees in the empty lot beside me. It seems to wrap itself around the tree and slwoly I can see it covering the needles. It seems peaceful, almost like the tree and the flakes are dancing. It is striking.

Sigh, I am thankful for this moment, this one right here. I suppose I will file it inside with so many other moments. You know the kind? the ones that make you thankful you are alive in that moment. For me, they are the moments that I know there is a God.

Wow, I really am all over the place! Anyway, I am hoping to write more often now that I am at home. Slowing myself down, resting, and renewing...

I just want to add a few more things, since this post is so out there anyway...

Mom, I miss you. I want you to know that I love you....that you have been my strength, my reason for wanting to be a better person. You are the best, and no matter what we have been through, those memories that I have collected through the years, so many of them are shared with you. I am so proud of how far you have come. You are an inpiration to me.

Lisa, awww....you rock. LOL. Stand tall kiddo. Stand tall and embrace finding yourself. You are the truest of people I know, beautiful.

Meesh....you crazy woman! LMAO, without you, I am not sure how I could have survived these past couple years. I love ya, you are a huge part of my heart. We have many adventures in store for us!

David, not sure the words will ever really do justice to what I feel about you. You teach me about myself every day, you challenge me, frustrate me, support me, hold me, and love me. You are my partner in every sense of the word. I am blessed to share my life, my love, and my sons with you. I love you.

Cher, I know we don't talk much anymore, and I think that needs to change. I know we keep up with each other via our blogs, but I would love to be a bigger part of your life, especially now. You will be a wonderful mom! I am so excited for you. I think of where you and I have been in our lives, my son will be ten when your babe is born, who would have thought? :)

L- I know you don't like stuff aired out on blogs so I will cut this short. I am so thankful for you. You inspire me all the time. I look forward to our friendship growing. I just have one request, sing more often will ya? I love your voice.

to all my old but good friends from SA- Just in case you don't know, just in case I have not told you - I miss you. I wish you all the best in your new lives, but I think you need to know that you have had, and continue to have a huge impact on my life. Blessings to you my friends. Tasha and Colin - you know, you still are right around the corner, did I mention that I am thankful for that? Let's do games night soon!

Ok, so now that I have written out in public things that are better said in private, I will sign off for now.

I am sorry for the mushy, its just that right now, its where I am at.

I will post some pics soon, including one of me with my new nose piercing.

Oh, ya forgot to mention that one eh?

3 comments:

gadgetgrl said...

You have grown so much these last few years you know? I'm glad I was here for the ride.

I can't imagine my life without you in it.

This is a time to reflect and take time for yourself- to heal and to figure things out. A time to breathe and just be. You need this.

lorena said...

Hey Julie. I am so glad to see you updating your blog and writing out your thoughts. You really have a gift, your words always make me feel something and usually remind me that I am alive (if that makes any sense to you). I will definately be expecting you to be singing again soon -- you can't keep a voice that beautiful to yourself you know.

Anonymous said...

I love you too - can't imagine where i would be or what I would be without you around to keep me insane.

Take your time, grow, breathe, enjoy the moment while it lasts.

yer Hubby

PS - who is that goofy looking guy in that picture? ;)