Constant

There are some things in my life that seem constant. Take for instance the fact that my right shoelace continually comes undone as I am walking to work. Such a pain really, but now- after weeks of struggling with the damn thing, it makes me smile.

I was asked recently if I was happy. I replied yes, and have been kind of thinking about that ever since. I was standing in the bathroom this morning brushing my teeth and smiled at my reflection as I realized that yes....I am content.

I am not sure what the definition of happy is really. I can only relate it to what I interpret it as. To me....happiness is an emotion. Something that is fleeting and can trick us into thinking that we are somehow missing out on something, or that life is just mundane.

I get too caught up in my feelings, on a regular basis - tends to be my nature....but, I am at least recognizing it.

I was listening to a song on my way to work this morning, (courtesy of my dear friend Michelle) and it just really hit home with me.

I used to try so hard to be more, to be this great version of myself that I forgot all about enjoying what I all ready had. Strove so hard for greatness, that I lost sight of reality I think. (The dramatic in me) I am not saying that I do not have greatness in me, just that if it is forced, it turns out to not be that great at all.

Here is the song:

When I strip for my window
The audience is always easy
And when I kiss my pillow
At least I know what he sees in me

I could be seductive
But I'm just not seductive
I'm not the mystery
That you made of me
So I've boarded up the windows
Of my palace
So I've grown accustomed to Rose colored glasses

I called all the local papers
Saying look what he did to me
Look what he said to me
Don't take this guy seriously

Still I find myself on my knees
Repenting relentlessly
For what he didn't find in me
For what I didn't turn out to be

He says I boarded up the windows Of my palace
That I've grown accustomed to Rose colored glasses

So I live the life in pink
So I'm different than you think
So I'm not so outrageous -I'm not so outrageous

There was a time I was mighty
When I stood as tall as I can Yeah,
Once I was mighty
Now you've made even smaller Than I am

'Cause I've boarded up the windows Of my palace
I've grown accustomed to Rose colored glasses
So I live the life in pink
So I'm different than you think
I'm not so outrageous

So I couldn't do what you did
I'm a little more timid
I'm not so courageous
I'm not so courageous

Once I was mighty
Once I was mighty


Now, do not read into this that I am settling, or that I am unsatisfied somehow. More look at it as me coming home. I do live my life in pink - I look for the good where there maybe is not any, am constantly naive, and I take the biggest joy in the smallest areas in my life. Like having a favorite tube of toothpaste, or seeing my hibiscus with buds, or watching my son as he sleeps. I am excited to get the mail for hope there will be coupons, and my greatest excitment is getting something free.

I gave up a lot to come home -

and you know what.....

that is courageous.

2 comments:

gadgetgrl said...

Great Post! Great Song!

Julie said...

I've read through your blog and I just wanted to say - Amen