Hmm...I am wondering why you choose to post as anonymous, any of you?

Do not worry of judgment from me, I do not judge those who love, from whatever form it comes from.

I do feel pain for those who are lost or hurting and that can be any member of the human race, gay or straight.

I want to explain first that this decision, while it may seem so, was not really *rash*...

I am sure you can identify with how we often carry thoughts and feelings, fears and doubts without mentioning them to anyone. That was what happened with me.

I felt that I was trapped in a life I did not recognize, and had lost so much of who I was. Now, this is important, I do not REGRET anything.

I have grown, honored, cherished, cried, laughed, and most importantly, I loved...
but..

I lost too.

So much, more than I ever should have wagered.

To use a quote from a song that touched me during all of this -


She wants to go home, but nobody's home
That's where she lies broken inside
No place to go, no place to go
To dry her eyes broken inside


Open your eyes
And look outside
Find the reason why
You've been rejected
And now you can't find
What you left behind

Be strong, be strong now
Too many too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
where she belongs

Her feelings she hides
Her dreams she can't find
She's losing her mind
She's fallen behind
She can't find her place
She's losing her faith
She's fallen from grace
She's all over the place "


Good ole Avril!

Truth is that was exactly how I felt. Lost.

My faith was gone, my heart was broken, my dreams were faded and ripped from me.

I wanted it back.

Simple as that.

I know it will not be easy, I know there will me many bumps, and struggles. There is a very good chance that I will always be attracted to women, that is a part of who I am.

Doesn't mean I need to act on it.

Doesn't mean I judge those who do.

Thanks for visiting,
Julie

The FAM :) 

Hubby and I at the ceremony :) 

Oh man, what a weekend.

It reached 34 degrees here this weekend, which in of itself I suppose is not tragic, but if you add to that fact that our central air is on the blitz it made for a very steamy weekend! LOL

Haven't written much lately but in all honesty that is a good thing. I am keeping very busy.

Despite the heat, I had a great weekend. Hubby and I holed up in the basement one night and cuddled and watched movies on the movie projector. What fun! (and Thank God for the cool air downstairs!)

Had some friends over last Thursday, that was a really great feeling, some healing was done there I think.

Friday led to a day of cooking with some of the great gals from the church, we all chipped in and did up some freezer meals for one from our church we thought could use it. It looks like we might start doing this as a monthly thing or something. It was a blast. (I miss ya chel, sigh)

Father's day was nice, although I felt bad I couldn't make it more special for Dad. We went out for a nice brunch and then off to the Waterfront Service. Which was great until Wes had a it too much sun and proceeded to puke up purple pop all over the van and parking lot..... :(

We got our photos in from the ceremony, and of the boys. I am SO pleased. Hope you all enjoy :)

Hugs,
Julie

Oh BTW, inclosing a big copy of a couple of my fav's... :)

Today is a new day. A new beginning.

I hope you enjoy the pictures of our ceremony.
It was beautiful, and filled with friends, and my beautiful boys.

The sun even shone for a minute or two, grin....

I will write more when I am not quite so tired.

It was a wonderful weekend.

Very quiet really. It rained most of the weekend. My backyard is officially a jungle, the weeds are overtaking my entire space, but the plants are growing like wildfire. Unfortunatley, they are still in their milk jugs! I am hoping it will dry out soon, so I can plant the poor things.

I have decided to not put in my veggie garden this year as I am going away a lot this summer, and for the 20 bucks I would spend just in tilling, I can purchase enough tomatoes to do my salsa, sigh, I sure will miss it though...(hopefully some of my gardener friends will take great pity on me, and drop a sister a zuchinni)

Cuddled up with my hubby and watched some movies this weekend. Cleaned the main floor, and got some stuff done, in time for our friends to come over for yet another birthday get together for the old man (grin).

Next weekend is our wedding vow ceremony. I am really excited and nervous all at the same time. I am hoping it will be nice out, as we are doing it at the beach.

I have been greatly enjoying life.

In all its simplicity.

Dave and I, a couple days ago... :) 

Yesterday was my husband's birthday. Although I think he is now on celebration number two, with a third get together planned this weekend with a couple of friends.

We went out to Mongo's grill (Dave's new found fav, although I will admit to liking it an awful lot myself) and had a nice family dinner.

The boys I think are starting to trust that we are together again. It is a wonderful thing to feel, and to see.

I have had a few rough spots, but for the most part the support has been really wonderful. It is hard to let go of a lot of things that I had wrapped my worth into, but I am now resting in the worth that was God- given, and trusting that things will fall into place naturally.

I am sad that is seems I have lost some friends in this, and some respect, but I suppose that is always the case. Truthfully I have gained more for myself, so I did what I needed to do.

I feel healing in all aspects of my life and I am so thankful.

Walking slowly, but surely, towards my dream..... to be happy again.

J