In comment to my visitors....

Hmm...I am wondering why you choose to post as anonymous, any of you?

Do not worry of judgment from me, I do not judge those who love, from whatever form it comes from.

I do feel pain for those who are lost or hurting and that can be any member of the human race, gay or straight.

I want to explain first that this decision, while it may seem so, was not really *rash*...

I am sure you can identify with how we often carry thoughts and feelings, fears and doubts without mentioning them to anyone. That was what happened with me.

I felt that I was trapped in a life I did not recognize, and had lost so much of who I was. Now, this is important, I do not REGRET anything.

I have grown, honored, cherished, cried, laughed, and most importantly, I loved...
but..


I lost too.

So much, more than I ever should have wagered.

To use a quote from a song that touched me during all of this -


She wants to go home, but nobody's home
That's where she lies broken inside
No place to go, no place to go
To dry her eyes broken inside


Open your eyes
And look outside
Find the reason why
You've been rejected
And now you can't find
What you left behind

Be strong, be strong now
Too many too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
where she belongs

Her feelings she hides

Her dreams she can't find
She's losing her mind
She's fallen behind
She can't find her place
She's losing her faith
She's fallen from grace
She's all over the place "


Good ole Avril!

Truth is that was exactly how I felt. Lost.

My faith was gone, my heart was broken, my dreams were faded and ripped from me.

I wanted it back.

Simple as that.

I know it will not be easy, I know there will me many bumps, and struggles. There is a very good chance that I will always be attracted to women, that is a part of who I am.

Doesn't mean I need to act on it.

Doesn't mean I judge those who do.

Thanks for visiting,
Julie

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Julie,
Where have you gone? You haven't made an entry in sometime. How are you doing? I love the photos of your vows ceremony. You have a beautiful family. Please keep in touch.
Laura

dazed and confused said...

She went of vacation - will be back soon.

the DH

Playground in my Mind said...

You can turn off the anonymous option. ;) hope you are well. Miss you. Renee