33 years ago...

A baby was born.

A child with whom brought such joy and happiness.
A baby boy!

Through the years he grew, he learned to do all the things a child will.

He walked, he talked, he opened his tiny arms to give and receive love.

His piercing blue eyes drank in all of the world.

The youngest child, and the only boy his journey was not always easy-

but he grew into a wonderful man

A man a girl fell in love with

The kind of man, that could share that same kind of love shown to him

with another baby boy

not of his own flesh

but loved just the same

He held the child with tender and compassionate arms

breathed words of love and acceptance into the tiny boy

and together they grew

and then another boy was born

so many like features

he too was loved with fierce pride

and again the man grew

The journey always true to its word grew more and more difficult

it would have broken a lesser man

but with faith and love in his heart

the man grew again

Grew so tall the girl could barely recognize the boy

so she grew too....

33 years ago my best friend was born.

Happy Birthday David

Say goodnight, not goodbye...

I have been really struggling this past while, with the departure of some friends, and just the constant blowing of the winds of change.

I keep losing my footing. I know that change is a part of life, and I understand that people must move on, but I guess it all just hits me hard right now.

I am really feeling the distance from my family right now. Most times I can resove this in my head and heart, but right now, with my heart already hurting from other circumstances, I am just really raw.

I know it will pass, and I am so excited to see everyone this summer, but unfortunatley before it even begins, I am already dreading when it ends.

I just hate that it is this way. It seems so unfair, and I have honestly wrestled with God on this one. Is it really necessary?

I love my life here, I only wish I could move it, or move them, or....well you know how it goes.

I am really looking forward to my minivacation from the boys, almost I think as much as they are looking forward to a vacation from their parents!

Dave and I have never been on our own, so we are planning to "date" a lot during this time. How exciting is that?

I am also planning to attend "Folk Fest" with Michelle. I am looking SO forward to that! Yay...

Ok, so to push past all the blues here are a few things I am thankful for tonight
  • Driving/Couponing/Shopping/Movie Watching with Chel
  • Dave helping me dye my hair (what a riot)
  • Old episodes of Amazing Race with Russian Subtitles....LOL
  • A happy picture of my sister, after riding on a hot air balloon
  • Wesley giving me a big hug
  • Good friends, no matter where they live

And so, to the dear ones that are leaving me, all four of you, I am not sure you read this, but if you do, I want you to know that you have all been huge in helping me put my life back together, and that I am forever thankful.

And remember,

say goodnight....not goodbye :)

A year already..

Since my new eating has not lasted very long, still working on it (just it taking its time, grin)
I thought I would write about something else close to my heart, and on my mind.

It has been a year this weekend, since my family was put back together. I can hardly believe it. I am so thankful to God for our second chance. I am also sorry for any moment in the past 365 days that I forgot for one moment how blessed I am.

To my husband, my best friend, my partner, my beloved.....I love you David. I know that this has not been an easy year for us. I know that from the moment I fell into your arms sobbing this time last year, there has been fear, and doubt and confusion. We have shared so much, and clung to each other and to God to carry us. Thats just what He has done isn't it? Carried us back to each other.

I think of you and I smile....It hits me right down inside, in the place that you have always been able to find me.

I love that we have found the ability to laugh and to play again. Lets hold on to it ok? Let the stresses and crap sink to the bottom, and grab onto all that is light and fun.

We have made some really great memories this year. Just reading over the blog for the past year, and I am reminded why we fought to keep us.

I love you!


Been feeling...well...miserable

I don't know why I keep falling into these patterns that I know are so bad for me. Feeling sorry for myself, melancholy....

I know that some of it is justified by my chemical makeup, but I do believe that some of it is a choice. The choice to continue to wallow, to look at all that is wearing me down, and forgetting all that brings me such joy.

I gave up my new way of eating, and have been lucky to not gain it all back.

So today, a new beginning...Yes, yet another one.

Gonna use this dormant blog to renew something again. This time last year I was beginning this blog with stories of fixing my marriage, this year - its about fixing me.

So baby steps....grin.

Today so far, I have had about a small coffee, with cream and sugar, and half a bagel with butter. I am full, so I will be taking the rest of my coffee to work for when I get hungry again.

Im feeling optimistic at the moment, so hopefully today will be a good day.

Well, my day at work was good, although tough. There was food EVERYWHERE. Figures as much when I am trying to avoid it.

I had a few bites of fruit, half a sugar cookie, 1/2 cup of pasta with tomato sauce and cheese, and a small piece of cake. Truthfully, hunger-wise, I could have done without the fruit, the bit of cookie, and the small piece of cake, but still a pretty good day.

Ill add in dinner later.