Its 1:00 in the morning...

and here I sit at the computer.

My poor son, is crying out in his sleep. While he and everyone else in my house seems to be able to sleep through this, I just cannot.

There is nothing worse in life than when your child is hurting and you cannot do anything to stop the pain.

We took him to the Dr today, and they have us watching him. He figures it is just a flu, however I am starting to think it might be something else. I have never seen him suffer with so much pain. I just pray to God it passes soon.

I have spent a lot of time holding him in my arms the past couple days.

It has just seemed to hit me how fast he is growing, and how quickly the days that his Mom is his world are fading away.

I turn 30 in a couple days, and I am transported back to 10 years ago when I was carrying him.

There was so much pain in my life then. I had so many questions about what kind of parent I would be, or how I would manage on my own. I worried that I would screw him up badly because I was so young, and because of the circumstances of his birth.

One thing led to another, and I was hospitalized the month before he came. Thank goodness I had such an amazingly supportive family that came to keep me company and help me keep my sanity.

I remember though, how the doubts faded away the first time I sat in the Neonatal Unit at the hospital with this tiny child in my arms. How I looked down at his tiny, fragile body, with the tubes coming from his head, and thanked God for the gift of this child. I wondered what on earth I had ever done to deserve something so beautiful.

There was a bond between us I cannot explain. Something about such joy that came from sorrow. It was he and I against the world.

My sweet little baby boy.

Sometimes as life hurries us by, I forget to remember. I take it for granted. I do not take every waking moment to appreciate the gift I have been given. Not just in my oldest, but in my youngest child as well. In my husband, my parents, my sisters, my friends.

In this season, whether you believe in the birth of Christ or not, I urge you to remember the gifts we are given everyday.

I know that right now, in this moment, I am thankful...


lorena said...

Hey Julie. I see you are not sleeping. Is that because your boy is sick or are you just not sleeping, if you know what I'm saying? Anyway sorry to hear he is sick. The photo of you two is awesome though. You look beautiful and so happy.

Anonymous said...

I agree. Far too often we rush through life and forget what is really important in life, in favor of obligations at work, with friends, at home.

Please forgive me for this, and I will hold this as a reminder of what is truly important.


Tasha & Colin said...

beautiful Julie. Praise God for those moments when He reminds us of what truely matters in this lifetime.

Coutts said...

yup to all that. hope he's okay.


Anonymous said...

Beautiful post. I hope your son is feeling better soon.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post. I hope your son is feeling better soon.