Ok, so that is kind of lame, but in an effort to be honest with myself and my faithful following (grin) I figure I need to lay it out.

So life is ever-changing. I have decided that I just cannot get my head wrapped around some things.

I admit I am a mess. I am the first to say that I am on a long journet to any kind of true happiness and that I am far from perfect. I know that my emotions are all fucked up and that I need some help. I am tired, tired of hiding, of fearing, of being ashamed.

Look this is me, ok? I am just me, nothing less, nothing more. And you want to know what else....laugh...I am not even sure who me is. Ya, ain't that the sad truth.

Lets see...I am a contradiction in terms. I am one big mess, one huge pile of crap to sort through.

I am ok with that though. I know that I need work, that I need to find me, that I need some guidance, but I am not so sure that the others in my life can handle it.

It seems like yesterday that I was never lonely. I always had something to do or someone to see, never had to worry about having someone to talk to or go for coffee etc.

Well now that I have tried so hard to put my life back together, almost everyone has
disappeared. I am lonely. I am confused.

Not that many of you will understand this reference because I tend to go off to the deep end sometimes, but this song is in my heart today:


Oh brother I can't, I can't get through
I’ve been trying hard to reach you 'cause I don’t know what to do
Oh brother I can't believe it's true
I’m so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you
Oh I wanna talk to you

You can take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done

Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
Tell me how you feel?
Well I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me

So you take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done
Or do something that's never been done

So you don't know where you're going and you wanna talk
And you feel like you're going where you've been before
You tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored
Nothing's really making any sense at all, let's talk
Let's talk, let's talk, let's talk.

Signing off,
Julie